This whole adoption thing is taking some time!  We have received news that it could still be another 1-3 years.  Currently, we are praying about if that time frame warrants us working with a consultant.  A consultant would speed up the process but we would likely incur higher costs from going through a different agency.  So, we are hoping that the Lord gives us direction.  He knows where the baby will be.  He just needs to show us, so we can pursue the right avenue.  Would you pray for our decision?

I wanted to share a couple of things that God has taught me over the last eight months.  First, I have struggled a lot with fear.  Primarily, my fear comes down to being able to be there emotionally for this new little one.  In my observations, adopted children struggle much more intensely with their identity and with confidence that they are loved.  Sometimes I get tired just thinking about the journey we will be on with our new child and it hasn’t even started!

Recently though, I had a bit of a break through.  Simply put:  I want to love well.  Currently, I am pretty darn impatient and I tend to love conditionally.  I look at Jesus’ life and then my own and I see so few similarities!  Well, before I die, I want to be different.  So, I am looking to embrace this child for all that he or she will bring.  Even if it mean my love is sometimes rejected.  Even if it means speaking words of life to him or her OVER and over.  Even if it means disciplining differently.  Even if it means praying and waiting for answers that are slow in coming.

God has also confronted my selfishness.  I have realized so many ways that I don’t want to be inconvenienced in this process.  It takes time, and I whine.  We have extra paperwork and I am a little put-off.  We learn we might have to travel to another state to get the baby and I feel worn down.  Why does it seems like we are fighting an uphill battle?  Well, honestly, I rarely look at it with the right eyesight.  God made extravagant overtures to win my heart.  His Son traveled far.  His Son worked hard.  His Son DIED.  And, daily He weaves a path of good gifts for my life – little hugs along my way hand chosen by Him.  And, I can’t fill out another application or hop on a plane for our child?!

God is good.  This wait has definitely not been in vain…

(photo: hopeinchawaii.org)

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